i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
