he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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