Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
