Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
