Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
