so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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