you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I want her autograph on my taint
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
