if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
