maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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