she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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