My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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