Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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