I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
