I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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