I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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