apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
