To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
