Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
