theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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