I'm drive I can fine osifer
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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