Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
