You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I AM VODKA MAN
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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