dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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