cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
