please come you make the beer taste better
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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