I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
