I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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