Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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