Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
