one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
