well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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