part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
