I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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