I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
