I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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