I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
