he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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