Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
