i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
