I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize