I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
