We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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