between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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