I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
