Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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