I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
