he shaved USA in his pubs
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
