my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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