she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
