I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
