What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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