I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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