I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
