Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
