I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
