i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
