good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
