He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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