Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
