so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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