I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
