i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
