Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
