drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
