you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
