Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Small penises have feelings too.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
