I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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