i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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