Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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