i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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