shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
