wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
