I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
